F*%& Cancer

My friend is dying.  The prognosis is not good.  She has been diagnosed with small cell carcinoma in her lungs wrapped around the superior vena cava.  She, like me, is straight forward and would rather deal with the truth than truth that is sugarcoated for the sake of making the stark reality of her situation.

It’s not good.  Without chemo she may have 3-6 months; with it she may have an additional 3-6 months if the therapy doesn’t blow up her heart or shut down her kidneys.  These aren’t good odds, and they certainly aren’t what I expected to hear.  I’m sure her husband and son are beside themselves.  I know that I am.  I’ve been fighting back tears ever since I read her goodbye to us.  She started chemo today.  She’s not sure how sick it will make her and if she will be able to communicate much on our forum or on Facebook.  Reading her goodbye was a hard pill to swallow.  It’s not fair, and I fucking HATE cancer.  People shouldn’t have to pass on in its painful, deadly grips. They should be able to grow old and see their children have children, and do all the things that we as humans want to do as we near our golden years – not wither away in a hospital bed, being filled with one poison that will hopefully kill another to allow just a little more time.

All I can say is life is not fair.  It sucks and the older I get the more I will never understand why horrible things happen to good people.  Please don’t lecture me on “G*d” or how he never gives more than a person can bear, yadda yadda, blah blah blah.  We have no fucking idea what the Spirit, the Creator or the many gods have in mind while they are strapping us little humans along in their game of life.  All I know is that far too many people in my life have succumbed to cancer.  Far more than one would expect with all the advancements made in cancer research over the past 50 years, and people are STILL dying.  (Thanks Big Pharma, you merciless bitch).

But, I am angry.  I am helpless and there is nothing I can do.  Nothing to say to make it better in my mind and certainly nothing that I could say that would make my friend feel better about her diagnosis.  I’ve tried all day to not let sadness just overtake my being and sob.

Life is not fair.